MRI thoughts from a nervous Nellie

I have extremely vivid, realistic-esque dreams. 💭 Sometimes they are bizarre and/or funny, and sometimes they are downright terrifying. I’m an empty-nester now, but I still occasionally dream about my boys as babies or little kids, even though the setting of the dream may be present-day. When my dreamscapes involve work scenarios, I feel like I ought to receive a sleep rebate. 🤣 Needless to say, my “rest” isn’t always restful.

My subconscious imagination is the main reason why I do not read or watch horror. 😱 For that matter, I also don’t enjoy the “true crime” genre, war movies, or historical documentaries of tragic events. I like reading cozy mysteries but not many thrillers. Characters may die in cozy mysteries, but the reader is spared the gory details. Besides, I enjoy reading fiction for the escapism aspect, not to feel sad or scared.

Funny side note: My husband is a zombie fan and tried to persuade me to watch those movies with him, but I told him I would not do so unless he watched the entire Twilight series with me – not because it’s a literary or cinematic marvel (don’t get me started on the author’s writing quality) but because I know he can’t stand the notion of sparkly vampires.🧛🏻‍♂️ Hahaha! Therefore, we are at an impasse, and I still do not watch zombie movies. 🧟‍♂️

(Caveats: I admit to having watched Castle because I am utterly infatuated with Nathan Fillion 😍, and that distraction seemed to balance out the fear factor of crime scene details. I also enjoy some paranormal storylines, but I draw the line when they become too grotesque. The best thriller series I’ve read is Derek Haas’ The Assassin Trilogy, in which the protagonist is an assassin who hunts down other assassins. I also like Emily Kimelman’s Sydney Rye Mysteries for similar reasons – plus, the lead character is a total badass who wages revenge against her enemies. 😏)

So, what does any of this have to do with MRIs? Well, of all the freakishly horrifying scenarios my dream-self has conjured up over the years, the worst ones involve being trapped, stuck, restrained, or unable to catch my breath. Being slid into a tube not much wider than my full-figured body and having to remain perfectly still is not my idea of a good time.

The first MRI I experienced was several years ago on my right knee, prior to one of the stopgap surgeries before I was finally able to have it fully replaced last summer. I had heard horror stories about the MRI machine, but I was pleased that other than the loud racket, that one didn’t bother me too much. The upper half of my body was exposed, and only my legs were in the machine, so I didn’t feel trapped.

Almost exactly three years ago, I was running across the Denver airport to catch a connecting flight, and a few gates before I finally reached my destination, I felt a sudden excruciating pain in my left glute, which seared down my left leg like a bolt of lightning. It felt like a severe cramp in my butt cheek, except the cramp involved knives on fire. 🔥 Turns out, I had ruptured a hamstring tendon almost entirely. Thankfully, it remained precariously held intact by a few fibers, and I was able to avoid surgery. After a souped-up plasma injection coupled with several months of physical therapy and not being able to sit longer than about 10-15 minutes at a time, my body managed to slowly repair itself.

To get to that diagnosis, however, I had to get another MRI, and this one put me into the machine up to my chest. 😬

I kept my eyes closed the whole time and focused on breathing slowly. Every time I felt a bubble of panic rising while I was trapped in the machine, I revisited memories of my second son the drummer boy, playing lead snare at a percussion concert or a marching band show during halftime, pretending the performance was keeping time with the machine's clanking sounds. 🥁 It helped!

Earlier this week, I had to get another MRI, this time on my lower back. I was forewarned that I would either be put into the machine feet-first entirely, or they would put me in head-first. I thought I would be smarter this time and asked my doctor to prescribe a sedative. I also went to the appointment prepared with my own earplugs and a comfortable eye mask.

Besides the initial preparation, I also removed my glasses in the dressing room and walked into the MRI room without them. I have roughly 20:400 vision unaided, so that made a very positive difference with not being able to see the machine clearly! I laid down on the panel/bench thingamajig and was able to psych myself out a bit because I couldn’t see where I would be placed … it was going to be a head-first scan.

Between the blurry view before I donned my soft eye mask and earplugs, I felt much less nervous at the beginning. I also remembered to tuck my arms as close to my body as possible, so they wouldn’t bump or rub against the sides of the machine. All of those steps helped me to avoid feeling completely enclosed (aka, the sensation of being buried alive). I focused on breathing slowly and counted the clangs and bangs during each scan.

Ironically, even though I followed the instructions for the prescription and took it an hour before the appointment, it didn’t actually kick in until about an hour later, when my husband & I stopped for a very late lunch on the way home, and I started feeling very tired. (He was my “DD” since I knew better than to drive after taking a sedative.) I took a nap when we got home and slept for a solid three hours!!

If I ever need another MRI, I think I’ll pass on the medication next time and just stick to my own coping tools. If you have any other tips & tricks for making it through an MRI without a panic attack, feel free to share in the comments. 😄