Returning to the blogosphere
I’ve decided to step away from the political circus & echo chamber that social media apps have become and focus my time on my own reflections, instead. I used to journal by hand regularly, and that eventually developed into a blog that I kept up for several years. I needed to put that effort aside after I embarked upon a major career shift and cross-country move in the mid-20-teens, but now a whole decade has passed, and it feels like a good time to pick up reflective writing again.
To kick things off, I looked over my list of Words of the Year that I started consistently in 2014. It intrigues me to think back to what I was going through &/or preparing for during each of those seasons and why that particular word was meaningful to me at that time. Here’s a rundown of the list, with time-hop notes if they’re available:
2014: Set
As I was looking forward to completing my doctorate in spring 2014, the word “set” came to mind — as in: Ready, Set, Go!! I didn’t know what the future would hold, but it felt like I was in a suspended moment of time between lining up on the starting block and launching into the swimming pool. How apropos it was, since later that year, the boys and I moved from Texas to Utah for a brand-new start.
2015: Brave
For this particular year, I wrote a series of 3-word nuggets that I wished I could share with my younger self:
Yes, you can.
You are brave.
You are resilient.
You are strong.
Others' opinions: meh
Bs are ok.
Cs are ok.
You are smart.
You are capable.
Confidence isn't pride.
Ambition isn't arrogance.
Attention isn't love.
Guard your heart.
You're worth more.
Write that story.
2016: Cultivate
By this point, I had been in Utah for about a year and a half. Things were hectic but going well at work, and the boys were starting to find their groove. I found myself missing old friendships and unsure how to cultivate relationships in a new place and new culture. Utah is a beautiful state, and I love the national parks. Yet, the majority culture permeates everything from where you can buy beer to what Boy Scout troop your kid participates in. Everyone is “welcome,” but there’s a vast difference between being welcomed and feeling like you belong.
2017: Reboot
Parts of this year are a blur, to be honest. I was dealing with some serious behavior problems with a couple of my guys, and I felt like the post-40 dating scene was a bunch of bull (which it is). Reboot was my way of trying to put myself back out there. I thought I’d found Mr.-Right-for-Me, but in the process, I ignored several red flags that were completely obvious in retrospect. Coulda, shoulda, woulda …
2018: Recharge
The best part of this year was seeing my first book hit the shelves. Behind the scenes, however, my disastrous (but thankfully short-lived) second marriage was crumbling, and I felt utterly humiliated, ashamed of my poor choice(s), and defeated. I don’t think I did much “recharging” that year, except to buck up the courage to face the music and file for divorce. Come to think of it, that took a helluva lot of courage, especially with naysayers (especially at church) trying to make me feel like it was my fault because I wasn’t able to fix it all myself.
2019: Regroup
After the shitshow that was my second marriage ended, I needed to regroup and take an honest look at my own goals and needs, apart from anyone else’s influence. I tried to spend this year taking stock of what I wanted out of life and what direction I needed to go. It was a year of personal rediscovery.
2020: Step
I returned from a trip of a lifetime to Greece over winter break 2019, I was struck by how many photos I'd taken of staircases. Step felt symbolic to me, so I selected it as my word for 2020.
It turned out to be spot-on: Throughout the year, I stepped forward and tried several new things. I stepped up to address issues I believed in (alienating a few folks along the way, but so be it). I took steps to continue improving my health physically & mentally. I tried to step in and leverage my privilege to uplift others around me. I stepped back and gave myself space from people & things that drained me.
2021: Yet
Here’s what I posted when I decided on the word yet for 2021:
I haven't reached all of my wellness goals ... yet.
My heart holds some personal dreams that haven't materialized ... yet.
I don't know what the future holds ... yet.
So, here's to hitting the bullseye on one "yet" after another this year. Let's do this.
2022: Create
I decided on 2022’s word with finishing the manuscript for my second book in mind, primarily, but also thinking about becoming an empty-nester and creating space/time for myself in this new chapter of life. It was an apt word choice. Here’s how I described it back then:
I want to create narrative – to finish the new book with my co-author & also allow myself “free” time to focus on fiction projects that I’ve put by the wayside for too many years; to create memories – with my dad, my boys, my sweetie, and other family & friends; to create space – in this unanticipated but gloriously empty nest that I find myself. Here’s to a brand new year, an empty room, a blank page … ready to be created.
2023: Balance
For too long, I struggled to find balance because life felt like chaos everywhere I turned. I believe I’ve gotten much better at it over time, but it was something I want to focus on that year. Here’s how I framed it:
Balance … between sticking with the itinerary and being spontaneous enough to take a detour that just might take my breath away
Balance … between cherishing this blissfully quiet season of my life while also building stronger, evolved relationships with my grown/nearly grown young men
Balance … between working hard but also carving out time to breathe
Balance … between independence & vulnerability
Balance … between setting aspirational goals but accepting my realistic limits
2024: Calibrate
Last year included several adjustments (calibrations) on the homefront with regard to my grown & nearly-grown kiddos, not to mention Mr. Jeremy's & my nuptials on Leap Day. I finally found my person, and I was feeling very grateful and content. That year also involved some big projects/deadlines at work, which required prioritizing and tweaks made on the fly. And certainly not of least importance, I was navigating challenges and fine-tuning treatment options for my own health and mobility.
To sum things up, here’s what I wrote about 2024: “It is the final year of my 40s, and there are still many, many things I'd like to experience in this one wild & precious lifetime! Growing old is a privilege, so here's to embracing every moment!”
2025: Navigate
The word I selected for 2025 is Navigate. There are still many unchartered places to explore and possibilities for Mr J & me to discover, and we’re looking forward to navigating the future together. As we venture into the unknown, I need to continue to be resilient as circumstances change but also stay resolute to my convictions.
😊 One step in front of the other! Feel free to stick around and join my musings on this journey.
